Forgotten creative expression

     It has always taken me some time to get into writing. School was always filled with essay writing which I used to enjoy so much and that felt so easy to do always. I perhaps wrote without any fear of judgement, entire curriculum in fact was interesting as it was my intense desire to just learn and read. Exam was mere activity that I was undertaking as a part of the course. What went wrong later was that the idea of writing as a part of creative outlet or expression of my ideas was distorted by the fact that writing became performative, it wasn't fun any more, it appeared as if I need to prove plus English being my second language it was always as if I need to develop separate skills of writing and expression it felt.

    Marathi being my first language, I don't really know if I think and express myself adequately in marathi too. Maybe it is a mix of all, English, Marathi and Hindi; I am so grateful for knowing these languages as it has opened up vast literature and ocean of information for me in the world that is 'infi-lingual'. 

    Recently I have come across the concept of catharsis, where we express the deeper unsaid unexpressed emotions through words, movements, art etc, There is a concept of gibberish that helps one get out the emotions through random sounds, words, subtle movements that helps one express the subconscious. Maybe we haven't found enough words or ways of expression or spaces where we can truly express. Expression through jobs, relationships, belongings, art, travel, movements etc keeps happening unconsciously but not always from the write center.

    I believe we should all take up some intentional writing of our own, start from there as language is the strongest form of expression in human beings and not always can we express ourselves in front of the other, that is the might of the pen! Don't we read a piece of literature or a short poem and feel as if part of our subconscious was expressed through someone's words and we do not even know what it is. Therefore somewhere in the path of spirituality they recommend to stop reading and going within to understand and find your own expression as any amount of literature will not be enough to help you unravel what lies within your subconscious. 

     The poems expressing longings or our romanticization of relationships is truly for our true self expression and thus when Jiddu Krishnamurti says "once you know the name of the bird, you will not see the bird" because the conscious mind takes over and we loose the opportunity to see anything anew. I always get a bit irked when someone reveals the climax of the movie because it takes away the the fun of seeing it or experiencing it first hand. 

    Maybe the existence is a big movie, waiting for us to witness it first hand through our own lenses and the interesting twist is we are the actors, we are the directors, producers, script writers yet we fail all other parts that we can play and merely play actors mimicking...... Such sorry irony... Let's find our creative expression and create our own movie..